


All I need (is to find somebody like you)

by Stark_08



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Gen, Hurt Tony Stark, Major Character Injury, Multiverse sort of not very accurate, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter is the best big brother, Suicidal Peter Parker, Superfamily (Marvel), Temporary Character Death, There are no coherent time travel rules, Time Travel Fix-It, first couple of chapters are really just an intro, fix it damnit because i cant deal with what went down, happy is really trying but peter is tonys son so hes too stubborn, i need morgan and peter content in future films bc we deserve that much, peter parker will do anything to bring back tony, shady time travel rules bc I can do what I want, tony will do anything to stop him
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-03-06 04:02:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18843226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stark_08/pseuds/Stark_08
Summary: They won. He kept repeating it, a mantra in his head. To justify their deaths. To accept. Anything just to stop the pain. He knew there was a way to fix it, he just needed more time.or: where peter finds out how to use the time travel machine and goes back in time to right his wrongs, even if it means killing himself in the process.





	1. No Time For Goodbye's

Death reaches you like a tidal wave, all at once and all encompassing frightened by the monumental structure only to be trampled by it seconds later. You don't have enough time to fully dwell on the fear, but once you get even the momentary taste, you take it to your grave.

 

When peter died, he’d been on titan a different planet light years away and it was easier to acknowledge it when he was on a different terrain where it was unsafe and unknown and a childish part of him always saw earth as safe, which is why when Dr.Strange told him he needed to get ready to fight,and stepped through the portal, he expected a world bare and dusty, not the clear sky of earth, not the compound in complete rubble. And most certainly not tony looking ages older. He didn't want to fight at home, it was much too personal, but then again this whole battle was now personal.

 

He geared up and started fighting, because it's what he saw tony doing and what he knew was needed. There was no time for reunions it was time to end this once and for all. If he could go back now, he would have hugged tony first, held on for a beat longer and told him the three words he'd been thinking since he first felt his body tear itself apart as it desperately tried healing all at once, would have told him that he was honored to have died and avenger and that he wasn't so scared after tony held him that, yes he died, but at least it happened in tony's arms and that he didn't want to go because he needed to have more time with tony, he would have told him that every time he screwed up he knew tony would always believe in him and that he only wanted to make him proud, but above all he would have told him that it wasn’t his fault. It was never tony's fault. 

 

Life doesn't let you hold on to someone forever though, and death certainly doesn't let you say goodbye. So when he felt the world start falling on him and thanos’ army  just kept coming in piling on top of him he thought he would die again, with only just having tony back. Except Tony didn't let it happen, this time tony knew he wouldn't let his kid die again, wouldn't let his friends die again. With a snap of his fingers the whole world was once more in place, because tony knew now that his family wouldn't die.

 

On his back tony could see the sky just barely through the smoke clouding the atmosphere, he could see the dust following the wind. God if he could just close his eyes and rest, but he needed to see peter one more time and pepper . Just as a testimony of what he did that he didn't fail this time, that he did something right this time. Please god let them be alright. 

 

God didn't answer tony's prayers that often but for once god lent a hand, and peters face appeared before him. Why was his boy crying? Didn't they win?

 

“We won Mr. Stark” His kids shaky voice said into his chest, and if that didn't relieve a weight he'd been holding in his heart since the first attack on new york, since the last time he held his kid and he turned into dust. But he didn't want him to cry if they won shouldn't he be happy? Pepper needed to come soon because his anxiety was spiking again. Like an angel she too came to him. 

“Tony, look at me” her tone was strong but laced with love and years of patience. So unlike all the years in the past, for once he listened to her and turned to her, but the world was shrinking into a dark tunnel. 

 

“Were going to be ok, you can rest now” His body always respond to her reassurances. And before his mind could understand what was happening he felt a sleep grip him tight, he wanted to stay but pepper had fought by his side and shown him she was very capable of caring for herself, I mean she had cared for him all these years of course she was made of iron. He closed his eyes seeing those he loved most surrounding him, and let out his last breath. He fell into an eternal sleep, he slept for all the days in his life he was never able or willing to. For once he allowed the dark space to encompass him and let him float on.

 


	2. Holding on

Peter didn't hear the whimpers leaving him until Rhodey knelt beside him and held him tight. He crawled up to Tony's lifeless body and felt the death of his uncle ben hit him once more. Because he didn't stop it this time, he couldn't save the once person he was fighting for. He couldn't save his mentor, his Dad. What good were his powers if he couldn't stop this from happening? There was nothing but raw and firing pain pulsing with every heartbeat, every heartbeat that Tony would never get to hear now.

 

Every heartbeat that replaced Tonys. There was nothing left now. No shuddering breath. Earth's best defender, _gone._ With a snap of a finger and he lost the last pillar holding him up. He crumbled and for once he too wished he could turn to dust again, join the rest because he didn't want to live in a world where tony stark was dead. There couldn’t possibly be any part of him strong enough to go on. The hero he idolized since he was a young kid, who saved him all those years ago at the stark expo. The hero who went through that wormhole and made peters heart stop from where he was watching the news coverage. The hero who was almost killed by obadiah, the hero who saved the world countless times, the hero who guided him throughout the whole spiderbite transformation and did everything for him, more than he could have ever asked him for. He didn’t give a damn who saw him as a hero anymore. This was _his_ hero. Except this time no Rhodey was able to save him or pepper. There was no armor he could build to bring him out of a cave and into the safety of home. There was no coming back from this.

 

Everyone gathered around the man who started it all, not Captain America or Carol Danvers. Not some enhanced individual, at the end of the day tony was just a man, but out of all the greatest heroes surrounding him now. He was the only one capable of wielding that gauntlet, the only one with the ability to save the entire world once more. Tony _was_ Iron Man. And it was only right for him to die with his suit on.

 

There were no words to describe what peter felt in that moment. On his knees with pepper by his side and Mr. Stark right before him. He couldn't feel anyone else there, it was only Tony and him, The man whose heart outshined everyone else's. The man who gave it all up just to save him. He was the man who pushed through everything life threw at him, the man who made the impossible possible. There were no avengers without him. There were no suits without him. They simply wouldn't have done this without him. Steve had been wrong all those years ago. He was the man to lay on the wire, to let everyone else survive even if it meant he wouldn't. Tony Stark could never rest knowing those he loved were suffering or in danger. Which is why this was the only way Tony Stark would ever die happily.

~~~

He doesn't remember moving. Nor does he remember being placed in this cabin-like lake house. But he sat on one of the bathroom floors, still in his suit. He was cold all over, but his tears warmed his cheeks, dripping into his heart and churning it around until his stomach did flips. His heart isn't beating properly. The air was refusing to pass through his lungs, as if his own body was shutting down without Tony there.

 

He didn’t know what would happen now only that he wanted to sleep in the compound on the couch watching star wars in the background with his feet on tonys lap. He wanted to hear fridays voice tell him Mr. Stark was waiting in the lab for him to edit the coding in the spider suit. He wanted to get an incoming call from Tony during one of his patrols to scold him for being out so late on a school night. Hell he wanted Tony to fly out from wherever he was to retrieve Peter from whichever hole he had gotten himself stuck into, and yell at him like there was no tomorrow lecturing him about caring more about his safety. He just wanted tony back.

 

He hasn't talked in hours, May and Happy left, when all they got were constant sniffles and breathless sobs. They were asking if he needed anything, but no. He didn't need anything they could give him. They couldn’t do anything for him anymore. They wouldn't help him in the way he needed most, wouldn't know exactly how to card their fingers through his hair.

 

They didn't understand how to be with him in the way Tony did. They wouldn't know which star wars movie was best to watch after a bad night of patrolling, they wouldn't know what it meant not to sleep for hours on end because sometimes simple engineering could be more relaxing than anything else. The wouldn’t sit down with a sigh and a tired face at 4 AM and nonetheless help him test a hypothesis. No one would help him further edit his spider suit to its best capabilities just because they cared that much about him. No one would say “good job kid” with as much pride, _Because they weren't Tony._

 

Aunt may came in after giving him some time alone. She hadn't seen him like this, not even with Ben's death. He used to have an open look to his face back then, you could see his pain, his loss. Now after hours of crying, the only trace of despair left was the swelling of his eyes and botched redness surrounding his cheekbones. But his eyes, hardened over, a wall created in a haste to block any intruders. He was hiding, repressing. One thing was certain, he was no longer the peter she sent off on that field trip 5 years ago. This was a man who returned a veteran. She was scared for him, but she had to remain strong.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okk so I thought might as well add this since it was already typed up. I am still piecing everything together so please bear with me hah im a mess. I never claimed to be a good writer sorry !!


	3. Bring Me A Dream

_ He was on Titan. The dust particles coating his hands we're making their way up his arms but, he couldn't look away because Tony was there again. He was holding him and he was dying, but he wasn't alone. _

 

_ He was dying but Tony was with him.  _

 

_ He wanted to tell him that it was going to be ok, that he didn't have to try and fix things. The world would move forward without Peter there. That what he felt now would be momentary, that he would move on because Pepper needed him.  _

 

_ He wanted to say all these things, but his mouth refused to stray from the script. Out of his mouth tumbling out we're pathetic cries of “I don't want to go”. _

 

_ He wanted to stop himself, because this was the reason Tony was dead now. It was the last moments of Peter’s life in which he begged Tony not to let him die, the moments that Tony carried for the next five years.  _

 

_ The pain, that felt so real as the day it happened, started fluttering into his chest until his neck was being engulfed as well, his mouth caved in, but his jaw was nonexistent. _

 

_ It was Tony’s tear stained face with which he left this earth, and god would he do anything to see him one more time if just for that. He desperately tried to return, wanted to hug him one more time but his body was floating and he could still see tony, could still see him staring at the ground where he once had been, but he was nothing.  _

 

He woke up on a bed to May rocking him. His head clutched tightly to her chest. 

 

“Peter honey, you have to breathe, it's ok”, Her voice shook.

 

He didn’t want to be held or gently rocked. It reminded him too much of when he lost his parents, everyone wanted to touch him and tell him it was alright, but it wasn’t. 

 

There seemed to be a connection with loss and touching, as if you suddenly needed to be caressed in order to be put back together.

 

Peter didn’t want to be touched.

 

He wanted to fall apart into the dark oblivion calling his name. He wanted to go back to his dreams even if all they held we're nightmares. Because Tony was there, and to him that was enough.

 

He turned away from May, only just feeling the moisture on his face slide with the movements. 

 

“I’m fine aunt May”, his voice came out hoarse, and before he could question it May spoke.

 

“You were screaming in your sleep Peter” She swallowed her own tears and brushed away the hair from his face, glancing up to the doorway. Following her gaze he noticed the other people in the room with him. Happy and Pepper stood by the door, both in pyjamas and wearing the same pitiful look. 

 

“I didn’t mean to wake you. I- um what’s the time?” He wanted to get out of this situation as quick as possible. He felt trapped, everyone’s faces were too mournful, too real. They served as a constant reminder that an integral part of them was missing.

 

“It's past midnight bud” Happy answered. Everyone was in bed he assumed. He nodded acknowledging Happy’s answer and saw them still looking at him with a strange expression painting their face. 

 

Following their line of sight, Peter cast his eyes down realizing he was still in his suit. The Iron Spider suit was protectively encased around his body. It was comfort, and torture all at once. He knew a part of Tony was with him when he had it on and perhaps that's why he felt comfortable sleeping in it. The other part of him hated it, because it held the blood of those he lost. 

 

“I should probably shower and-and change” Peter spoke lethargically his tongue couldn't seem to keep proper coordination with his commands. Pepper acted fast as though being busy was a coping mechanism, it allowed her brain to have a task at hand and not wander into the memories of war. He watched her step out into the hallway, returning seconds later with a towel and a change of clothes. She quietly padded over to the bed where Peter now stood beside it. Pepper placed the clothes in his hands, the price tags were still attached. She gently placed her hands on his shoulders.

 

He involuntarily flinched.

 

Her frown deepened and god he felt terrible, but touching meant more to him than others could begin to comprehend. She gently placed her hand on the spider emblem tapping twice. He sharply inhaled at the nudity of it all, even though he still had the spandex suit underneath, he was too exposed. His heart rate began accelerating. 

 

“Don’t get too attached to the suits Pete, not like him. It wasn't healthy” Pepper said her hands still gently on his chest. Her smile was too composed . . . fond, almost. And he realized. This was not the first time she dealt with someone in this mental state. Battle worn and exhausted, their only coping mechanism was to surround themselves by that which kept them safe, that which ticked and was easily fixed

 

She saw Tony in him. 

 

He wanted to throw up. 

 

.“I don’t-” He would never amount to be him. He hung his head in shame, unable to explain himself. Instead he gave the best smile, which must have been a terrifying thing to witness, cracked skin and dry lips with red eyes to match the mask of sorrow. And made his way into the bathroom. In there he was met with another battle. He had yet to take the spandex suit off. He took in mind the last time he put this suit on, what to him had been days ago, everyone else had lived through years. It was also the original suit, he couldn’t take it off, didn’t want to. It held a  part of  _ him. _

 

_ Don’t get too attached to the suits. _

 

With a sigh and more willpower than he thought possible he took the suit off. The scalding hot water was enough to keep his mind off his bare body, vulnerable to the world.

 

~~~

 

The next morning he awoke to something tickling his cheek. His attempts to brush it away were met with a hand much too small to be May’s. He jolted up on the bed to find a young girl staring back at him with eerily familiar brown eyes. He pushed himself into a sitting position, fully awake now and more confused than before.

 

“Hi” She said, giving him a shy smile. He was utterly confused as to why a child was here to begin with. 

 

“Hey there?” his voice much kinder and animated than he thought possible during times like these.

 

“My mommy told me to take you to your room to get dressed” She fiddled with her hands.  

 

“What’s your moms name?” He asked because clearly whoever sent her didn’t know he didn’t live here much less had an extra set of clothes.

 

“You're my brother silly, you know our mommy and daddy” Her giggles did little to stop the churning in his stomach once he started putting two and two together. The eyes, the eyebrows and the typical Stark smirk gracing her features. 

 

“What are you talking about?” He needed to be sure.

 

“Daddy said when you got back that you might need help. I am Morgan... your sister.” She said the second sentence much slower as if it would help him understand. As if any of this was making sense.

 

“Now, come. You need to go to your room” She said and before he could stop her, she grasped his hand tugging him along. They went down the hall and into a room about three doors down from the room he’d been staying in. 

 

The sky blue walls were adorned with star wars posters, and the bed had a gray comforter that looked far too expensive to sleep in. The bedroom was larger than the previous one. 

 

“Daddy made this because he said you would be back, But I never got to go in here” She still clutched his hand tightly. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t understand what was happening, he had a room? He had . . . A sister? 

 

Pepper walked in, and it must have been his pale face, mouth agape and large hand held tightly by such a small figure, that made her smile so heartbreakingly.

 

“He spent months perfecting this, saying how necessary it would be for you to feel as close to Queens as possible. I’m glad you got to meet Morgan, she’s been dying to meet her superhero brother” She paused stepping fully into the room now. “There are some clothes in the closet Pete, why don’t you get ready for the ceremony?” She tried giving an encouraging smile, but he understood now. 

 

This was  _ his  _ room. It was  _ made _ for him. He began piecing it all together. Morgan was a Stark, and in her head he was her brother back from war. Meaning Tony must have talked with her must have told her all about him given the way she was so comfortable with him. He must have talked about Peter in a way that resembled that of family, because where else would Morgan get that idea? 

 

He took in the room once more and this time he really stopped breathing. He was going to fall, the darkness started swimming from his chest expanding into his nervous system because,  _ shit. _ Tony made this for  _ him _ . He dedicated time to this. Tony died for him . . . when he already had the whole world.

 

And it was all Peter’s fault.

 

Suddenly the only thing keeping him from fading into the beckoning darkness was the delicate hand still holding his own. He stared at their hands, a contrast of small and big, strong and weak. 

 

She was only a child and was already stronger than he would ever be. He paled in her brightness.

 

He welcomed the feeling of someone else touching him for the first time since he got back. Her worried eyes observed him and something in him, jarred and broken, was slightly mending the jagged ends of his soul together. 

 

Her eyes screamed moments of, “ _ Kid you need to stay with me. We're not far from the compound just stay awake!”. _

 

Sleepless nights of, “ _ You know what Pete? I want you to take better care of yourself, no buts. Sleep now, homework tomorrow”. _

 

_ “You're going to change the world spiderling, just you wait”  _

 

_ “Because I said so!” _

 

_ “Peter, you are the reason I have hope for the future” _

 

She tugged him down to eye level making his heart constrict even more if that were possible. And in a steady whisper she said “It's okay Peter, if you think about him enough then it's like he never left.”

 

Her innocent eyes held such conviction that he almost believed her. He smiled tightly. His eyes burned with unshed tears. She stepped forward and hugged him tightly, hiding her head in the crook of his neck. 

 

He let the tears fall freely now, saw Pepper step forward like she was going to attempt to comfort him. He held Morgan properly now. He wanted to tell  _ her _ that, wanted to comfort her instead because she actually lost her father, because he had no right to shed these tears. He had no right to hold Tony's world with such pain because he would infect her with it. 

 

Peter was selfish, so he hugged tighter just this once. Who knew his guilt could be personified into such a beautiful creature.

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need Morgan and peter in ffh marvel has taken so much from us please just give us this. Also I am currently attempting to place in the whole plot so maybe the chapter after this I might start with the actual stuff. Your comments/kudos are very much appreciated!


	4. With every heartbeat I have left i'll defend your every breath

Peter had carried a collapsed building and rose from the rubble with nothing but his homemade suit. Peter fought a giant titan, died, came back, and won. Yet stepping out into the yard of the lake house to bid his goodbyes to his mentor, seeing everyone dressed in black.

 

This was a battle he would never be prepared for.

 

All throughout the funeral he wanted to lunge forward into the lake with Tony’s heart and never resurface. He wanted to tell everyone that the arc reactor would fall into nothing that it would be a waste to continue with this ceremony. He never did get what he wanted though.

 

He bit his tongue until the metallic taste flooded his mouth and gave him something else to focus on. Something other than the young, wistful girl who understood little of what was happening yet bravely stood in front of him in the first battle line. He could only dwell on the fact that the reason he stood here today was because something in this universe deemed him to be worth the life of earths best defender. He didn't know what to do with that knowledge.

 

After the arc reactor faded into the distance everyone headed inside. Peter strayed to the edge of the lake and sat with his knees bent, resting his forearms on them. In the distance he saw Clint and Wanda talking, but he averted his eyes. They all lost someone in this battle, he kept reminding himself that he wasn't the only one grieving.

 

“I brought you something to eat” Happy now accompanied him, a plate holding a sandwich right next to his face. The apple he ate before the funeral, sat heavy in his stomach.

 

“Thanks happy, but I’m not hungry” Peter tried giving his best reassuring smile, but Happy never did fall for his tricks.

 

“Kid if I remember correctly you would always hound Tony at the compound for snacks and food, so I know how much you eat and this aint it” He had to give Happy credit for trying, but the man himself said it. He would eat in such copious amounts before all this happened, when Tony was _still_ here. Instead of arguing more he decided to wordlessly to accept the sandwich and placed it next to him on the grass.

 

“He wouldn't want this” Happy sighed sitting next to him. Peter could only look at the lake, it's serene beauty now tainted with sorrow after what was left of his mentor was placed so poetically in it.

 

“That doesn't really matter now” His voice void of emotion.

 

“Of course it matters Peter, Tony did this _for you._ If you don’t do something with this new chance of life then it would have been for nothing.”

 

_Don’t waste your life Stark._

 

Peter wanted to scream, he wanted to let all the voices in his head take control of him and rip apart what was left of his sanity. Peter knew Tony sacrificed himself for him, but to have it said so blatantly and used as a means of manipulation. Well it only turned the knife in deeper.

 

“Yeah I-I get that” Peters stutter gave him away. When Happy turned he saw the boy in tears once more. He couldn’t care less if he never hugged the kid until today because if he could comfort one of Tony's kids why not both? He pulled Peter in close letting the kid cry all his repressed emotions out. He ignored the kids stiff posture at their contact. The moment was short lived however, as Morgan made her way over to them. Peter shifted into his original position.

 

“What are you doing?” she sat next to Peter. Despite his attempts to trying to compose himself the girls wide eyes made him ache even more. She silently grabbed his hand once more and traced his hands with her petite fingers. “Daddy said touching someone is important to remember they’re here”. She desperately searched for his eyes, but he couldn't stop staring at their hands.

 

_I was dust, and he was alone. He needed to be reminded that Morgan would never turn to dust._

 

“I like knowing you're here now” she said laying her head on his shoulder. Peter could only tug her close to him. He buried his face in her hair, he ignored the muffled sobs Happy was letting out, ignored the conversation he was able to hear from Clint and Wanda. His sole focus was the little girl he held in his arms.

 

“I like knowing you exist” it was the only thing that made sense for him to say. Morgan existed because Tony _lived_. Morgan was a testament of Tony’s love, she was a part of Tony that would never die. She was never going to be harmed, not under Peters watch.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is short, but I really need to keep building this relationship before it gets to the plot. Also I'm a sucker for Morgan and Peter fluff and I'm cOPING. So this fic will probably be longer than I anticipated.
> 
> Chapter title is from "Sleeping at last" - Light


	5. Always in My Memories

Shortly after the funeral May and Peter stayed with Pepper at the lake house, and when he asked May how long they would be staying there, it was always unsure. After coming back from nothing they returned to nothing.

 

 _“You don’t have nothing, you have_ **_us_** _”._ Pepper had told him one night as he sat in front of the lake, it was a particularly rough day. He had just returned to school and the teachers we're trying so hard to accommodate to those who got dusted and those that didn’t and he finally made it out of the house. Only he realized he wasn’t the only one mourning Tony's loss. All of the school was covered in Iron Man tributes. It was a reminder to everyone that they lost their greatest hero.

 

Peter lost his father.

 

He didn’t make it through the day and instead raced outside to the car where Happy was patiently sitting (It was a precaution enforced by Pepper, in case anything happened) and didn’t hesitate to slide in.

 

Peter had to accept though, everyone told him that “time would heal all wounds” and that Tony would want him to move on. Tony would hate to be mourned. Well, they didn’t know him like Peter did. And they sure as hell weren’t going to tell him how to _move on_.

 

The thing is, if Peter truly attempted to move on then there would be nothing left of him in the process. For Peter, remembering was the only option to survive. To remember Tony’s reassurances before a school project and encouragements during his patrolling, it was the only thing that made it feel like Tony was still there.

 

Sitting by the lake with Pepper holding him was nice. It made him feel like part of the family. It made him feel worthy of his loss.

 

_This is not your family._

 

He willed his thoughts away but the constant fear of contact came back. He didn’t deserve to be consoled. This wasn’t his father, this wasn’t his moment to mourn. But this _was_ his fault.

 

His body rejected Peppers warm embrace.

 

“What’s wrong hon?” Pepper asked in her sweet motherly voice. A voice Peter should never be the recipient of.

 

“Nothing why?” He asked feigning confusion, after sitting out here and talking about his day he was exhausted but his own mind never let him rest.

 

“Why are you sitting so tight? Relax a bit, we have nothing to do. It’s just you and me.” her eyes twinkled in the night, the blue of her eyes was no contest to the lake.

 

He wanted desperately to believe her.

 

“I-I know”, he said trying for a small smile. He focused on his shoes instead.

 

“What’s going on in that head of yours? Huh kid?” She ran a hand through his curls scratching softly at his scalp. His body grew more tense if possible. Tony used to do that to him. He remembered the nights of finals week when he’d stay at the tower or during a particularly rough day with flash. Hell any chance he had, tony would card his fingers through his hair.

 

_“C’mere kid” Tony motioned for him to join him on his end of the couch. Peter's face scrunched adorably at the gesture._

 

_“What why?”_

 

_“Because I can see your thoughts having a field day from here” Tony extended his arm providing an open space for Peter to go into._

 

_“It’s nothing Mr. Stark”, Peter’s wobbly smile would have tricked anyone who didn’t know how touchy the kid was._

 

_“The offer expires in a minute”, Tony now felt more unsure. What if the kid didn’t want to be comforted by him? How would he know to say the right thing? His dad was never any good at this and this was just showing how much Howard left behind, he would never be a good father-_

 

_“I can see your thoughts are also having a field day, looks like we both need this then”, Peter had moved next to him and settled himself until he had Tony's arm wrapped around his shoulders and his head rested on his collarbone. It helped ease all of Tony's thoughts until they were drowned by the peace radiating off of Peter now._

 

_“Aren’t you observant” Tony aimed to be mocking but it came out more fond than anything else. He ran his hand through the kids wild curls and began a pattern._

 

_Comb. Untangle. Twist. Repeat. Until the kid fell asleep._

 

Peter opened his eyes and he didn’t want to feel like this every time he emerged from his memories. It was dying all over again. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t _feel._ There was only the raw pain coursing with every heartbeat. The bile that made a home in his mouth. The wetness that refused to leave his eyes. The constant pressure sitting on his chest never allowing the light to enter him. It just wasn’t right.

 

The way Pepper ran her hands through his hair _wasn’t right_. She was missing two vital steps. No one would ever do it right. He couldn’t take it, but she didn’t deserve to be reprimanded for something she had no control over. He simply lay limp in her arms because there was nothing else to do.

 

~~~

 

As the weeks passed and it turned into a month and a half since the whole ordeal had gone down pepper saw how peter began to close himself off more than before. The familiar light he used to hold on to was gone. His chocolate brown eyes we're harder now. She never saw him cry anymore but she knew he did, if the redness around his eyes every morning was any indication of it. may and pepper had grown increasingly worried that his mourning would soon turn into depression. They had already noticed his lack of appetite and weight loss and regardless of their attempts he would only smile and politely decline or accept the food only to find it in the trash days later.

 

The nightmares didn’t stop either. They got worse if anything. It was a variation of them though. Some nights it would just be to Peter screaming about not wanting to go and waking up crying. The really bad nights we're the ones where he begged Tony not to go.

 

_“Mr. Stark, Mr. Stark no! Stop please don’t leave me! Please think about this! Please please please.”_

 

She shut her eyes tightly at the memory. She needed to do something to help her kid. Not only for his own peace of mind but for Morgan's as well. She was confused about what Peter cried for, but Pepper couldn’t tell her 5 year old that her brother saw their dad die. As Pepper tossed and turned that night she thought of what Tony would do. He always knew exactly how to handle Peter even though he claimed to be clueless when it came to that stuff. Peter and Tony were in sync they worked like a clock they went round and round each other in perfectly balanced dance when they we're in the workshop, all she did was admire them. They’d pass each other a wrench or place a wire in the right spot all the while never crashing with each other, never needing much communication. It was art. Tony didn’t enjoy having people on the workshop with him, but Peter was always his exception.

 

Peter would always be his exception.

 

Pepper decided the next evening as she finished cleaning the table from their dinner, that today was the day she would show Peter the lab. He needed it more than he cared to admit.

 

“Peter honey would you mind coming with me? I want to show you something” she said coming up the stairs and pausing in Morgan's doorway.

 

“Sure thing Mrs. Stark-Pepper, sorry” he smiled sheepishly after she gave him a playful glare. He turned once more before following Pepper, “Hey and if you need any more help just remember the crocodile likes the bigger number, okay?” Morgan nodded enthusiastically.

 

They walked downstairs into a narrow corridor past the kitchen and stopped outside a wooden door that looked as mundane as all the other ones in the house, except this one had a touchscreen unlocking system with a handprint.

 

“I haven’t gone in here since-” she took a breath, “Well since everything happened, because it just doesn't feel right. I mean I just want to keep the memory of him being in there alive. I don’t want to go inside and feel mournful. I don’t want to taint it with the ‘what if’s’ and all that” she sniffed and turned to look him in the eyes halting her rambling.

 

“I have seen how lost you’ve been Pete, and I can’t help but remember how similar you two were and how every time I see you. Well, I just see him” any response he could have possibly formulated died halfway up his throat when he saw the pure love and trust she held for him. “And well I know that Tony’s coping mechanism was always to tinker away in the lab and bury his head in a project, now usually I don't agree with that because it isn’t healthy and all, but I can't see you like this anymore. I know it would _break_ him if he saw you now, and I just hope this helps” she finished, ignoring how her voice cracked near the end.

 

“Pepper I’m sorry if-” Peter began, but was cut off with a wave of Peppers hand.

 

“You have nothing to apologize for sweetheart ok?” he simply nodded, "alright whenever you're ready just place your hand on the hand pad and it will let you in” she gave him an encouraging smile and kissed his head lightly before leaving him there.

 

He took a breath and placed his hand on the scanning pad, the door unlocked and he pushed it open. As soon as he entered the lights turned on and the familiar voice of F.R.I.D.A.Y welcomed him.

 

“Welcome back Peter it's good to have you with us once more” That itself was enough to send him reeling because it had been _so long_ since he last heard F.R.I.D.A.Y, the whole time he has been here he hadn’t heard her.

 

“H-Hey FRI, it's been a while”

 

“Indeed it has Mr. Parker”

 

The lab was different than the whole house, and much bigger than it seemed to be. Bright lights framed it and it was about five steps lower than the house. He could see DUM-E in the corner buzzing away with excitement. There was a large table in the center with the specs of what had been Tony’s current suit. The whole lab closely resemble the one back at the tower but much smaller than the one at the compound. It was still the antidote to Peter’s distress however.  He already felt closer to Tony.

 

“Alright F.R.I.D.A.Y anything I should know before I start digging through Mr. Stark’s stuff?” he tried being nonchalant because it seemed that if he dwelled too much on the fact that Tony was actually not in here with him then it would be another thing on his list of things he lost.

 

“Yes actually, it seems boss recorded something in the case of your return. Would you like me to play it?” Peter was stunned. He wasn’t expecting to get any message from Tony.

 

“Yeah go ahead” he took a seat at the table with the Iron Man specs and it was replaced with a very real hologram of Tony.

 

Peters breath caught in his throat.

 

“Hey Pete, if you’re watching this it means that, for one you’re back. And two I’m, well you know” Tony sighed, “I’m gone. But that doesn’t matter right now because I’m going to focus on the fact that this whole time heist B.S. actually worked and it means the one thing I was fighting for is actually here” his eyes seemed to be looking right into Peters now, “look I know this isn't ideal, I didn’t want things to go this way, but Peter” Tony looked down now rubbing his eyes and scrubbing his face, “I couldn’t ignore the solution if I knew there was a way to bring you back bud. I couldn’t, I wanted to kick Cap in his perfect teeth and tell him to get the hell off my lawn, but then he said we could bring back what we lost. And I-I was suddenly blinded by the smiling youthful boy I had met years ago whose presence was burning a hole right through me with everyday that I lived and he didn’t. I know you're probably mad at me right now in some way, because you and I are more alike then I am willing to accept. Even then i'm just so damn happy to know that in some future you’re watching this and you’re _alive._ Most importantly though I wanted to tell you that” Tony tightly squeezed his eyes shut and put a hand to his mouth.

 

“I am just so sorry that you were hurt because of me, I am so desperately sorry buddy, you don’t have any idea how many times I wished I could turn back time so that we never met, so that I could never get my claws on you and have you involved in these life or death situations.” Peter joined Tony's crying now, “But then I remembered our movie nights or whatever dumb shit you dragged me into” Tony gave a wet laugh, “And I remembered how selfish I am because even knowing all this happened I couldn't survive a world where I didn't meet Peter Parker, so I'd live with my narcissistic selfish ass any day if it meant keeping you.” Tony stood up now, “Alright I have to go, I just have one more thing to say because my father never told me this and it wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t” their eyes met once more, “I love you 3000, don’t you forget it underoos” he said with a teary smile and the video ended.

 

Peter isn’t sure how long he sat there. The tears came stronger than ever before because now it was solidified that Peter was the reason Tony agreed to go on this mission. He never wanted to live in a world without Tony Stark either, and Tony was right he was angry, he was _livid_. How could Tony die for him? How could he leave his kid behind? How could the world be so cruel with Peter?

 

All these questions had him wondering if he should have even been brought back, wouldn’t things have just been better if they stayed the same, people were moving on they had been trying to get better. They would have learned to move on and Tony would still be alive. Natasha would still be alive.

 

He tried reasoning with himself, the bad guy was dead we won. All this technology he had at his fingertips and he could do nothing to stop the pain in his family's heart. There had to be something to fix this. But it was already fixed according to the world, everyone's family was whole once more.

 

They won. He kept repeating it, a mantra in his head. To justify their deaths. To accept. Anything just to stop the pain. He knew there was a way to fix it, he just needed more time. He needed to know more about what happened the days leading up to the second snap. Anything was possible now, if time travel had been accomplished then there was a way to fix things. There had to be.

 

Peter had to fix this, because if he didn’t, there would be no moving on. Earth needed their best defender.

 

Peter needed his father back.

 

“I love you too” he whispered into the emptiness of the room hoping that in another timeline or universe Tony heard it.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is, I am so sorry for taking this long. Its finals week and all that fun stuff, but anyway yeah I hope this was something you guys enjoyed and I just refuse to accept the fact that we didn't see a message left for peter by tony. I also wanted to mention that any time travel or multiverse rules added from now on will not be as compliant with that of the MCU bc I don't completely agree with that and its my fic let me fix it the way I deem correct. Thanks for reading and comment what you think about it, I love reading your thoughts!!


	6. If I leave, then where will you go?

Peter wanted to be rational about his plan. He knew that time travel was something that could lead to catastrophic consequences. But he could save Tony using it. In the end no consequence or universe could hurt him as much as the one he was living in.

So step one, which consisted of him deciding to use time travel, was complete.

Now step two would be more difficult: convincing Dr. Banner to help him.

That would be very tricky given the fact that a sudden trip into the city and into the swarm of people would raise warning bells to Pepper and May, who had been observing his every move. He hadn't left the house in weeks , mostly keeping to himself and holing up in the lab. School had been put on hold and he was currently being homeschooled by a private tutor.

Peter placed his head inside the chemistry textbook he was currently attempting to use in order to finish his homework. But how could the importance of oxidation numbers and balancing equations even compare to the magnitude of saving Tony.

A knock at his bedroom door brought him back to the present.

“Peter? Can I come in?” It was Pepper.

“Yes of course,” he said in faux cheeriness. He couldn’t let on what he was planning.

“I wanted to let you know that Happy helped May make a great meal so you can dig in” she laughs as she trails into his room, “and to tell you to never me be a part of that again” her eyes never leaving him.

They were brighter than other days. Some days the blue turned gray and swirls of dust gathered there to remind everyone that they were just a sky, uncertain but always there. Her eyelashes could cover as much of it as she tried, but the truth would always push past their curtains.

“Oh yeah I’ll head out there in a bit, just trying to finish this last thing” he gestures to the textbook with a tired smile.

He could see her features fall, and quickly regain composure in an attempt to convince him once more.

“Pete, why don’t you join us? All of us together rather than eating on your own. Morgan has some things she wanted to show you, she was so excited, but you were asleep when she got home” He felt caged.

He hated when she did this, pulling the “Morgan loves you” card. Hated when it was used so wisely because they knew he would do anything for that kid.

_“Peter are you going to eat today?” May asked holding the plate for him as she sat on his bed._

_“Later I will” he tried to convince her but he could barely hold himself up. It was a bad day._

_The type of bad days when everything was too bright, when everything was too soft, but not loud enough. When things blurred together but were so defined he couldn’t help but close his eyes instead. Days when the loss of Tony was a blinking neon light except it had no off switch, it was wedged in between his heart and rib cage so every blink was a pulse of ice through his veins._

_A day when food was just--just not it._

_“May please” his voice broke, he couldn’t. Not today. Except May had had enough._

_“Alright then” she left the plate on the bed._

_Peter laid back down thinking he was safe from any more intrusions._

_A jolt on the bed grips him from the solace of his buzzing mind._

_“So aunt May told me you were hungry, but wanted me to show you how my Daddy used to do quinjet with me!” Morgan’s giggle pierced through his hazy fog._

_“Yeah bug, but right now is too early how about-“ he tried softly, but her frown stopped him immediately._

_“Oh, that’s ok sorry if I started bothering you. Mommy told me that sometimes I need to be careful how loud I am because of your hearing. I’m sorry I was too loud Pete I didn’t mean to hurt you-“ her brown eyes already filling with tears broke the last of Peters resolve._

_“Hey hey hey, no look at me” he fully sat up now pulling her completely into the bed hugging her close to his body._

_“Bug you have nothing to be apologizing for, ok? I was just a little sleepy, but now I really want to know what ‘quinjet’ is. Will you show me?”,doe eyes met his and she hesitantly reached for the bowl of soup._

_“Please, Morgan” he says now butting his head with hers gently. Her beaming smile was worth it. She grasps the spoon in earnest and brings it carefully to his mouth but before reaching it she zooms it past his head and imitates whooshing sounds._

_“Like the quinjet, daddy said he traveled on. It wasn’t too loud so the whooshing is soft” she whispers to him and places the spoon inside his mouth._

_It tastes like gravel, but Morgans animated sounds and bright face leave a sweet after taste._

Peter sighed and looked up once more to find Peppers pleading eyes.

“Yeah alright tell the bug I’ll be there right now,” he says fighting the smile at the thought of seeing her.

“I will, don’t take long” Pepper practically skips out.

He wanted to hold out on being with them as much as possible, he knew if his plans went sideways he would be heartbroken to leave behind this life he loved. Detachment was the only way.

As he sat down and Morgan rushed to him clinging to his neck as she showed him her Spider-Man drawing that said “my big brother protecting me” he felt the food he ate rush up his abdomen. He felt the solid ground below him rising as if he we're falling forward.

Ironman was flying right behind him. And scribbled in the smallest print was, “Daddy protecting him”

“Thanks Morgan I love it” he choked out and pressed a wet kiss to her head.

He knew what he had to do would hurt him, knew it would tear him apart if it went wrong because he knew it would mean leaving Morgan, leaving aunt May and Pepper.

He also knew it was the only way to make things right again. Knew it was the only way to make sure things ended up how they were meant to.

So that night in his bedroom he decided. Today was meant to see how he would go forward with this, and tomorrow would be the first day he began research.

The lab would have all the information he would need and once he had a concrete plan, he’d contact Dr. Banner.

He hadn’t actually started any of this, but the fact that he had more or less a skeleton of a schedule to work with, well it brought him hope. And hope right now was the only thing that would get him through all this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven’t updated in eons and I truly apologize. I just had like a writers block that I willingly put up in order to stop feeling anything. Anyway this is a filler that wasn’t edited (I know I suck) but I needed to write and this just happened. Thanks for reading and all your lovely comments really keep me going so plz let me know what you’re thinking!!


	7. Only wish to see

Research consisted of locking himself up in the lab once more. This time however, he would do a deep search. He would test his limits.

 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y?” he was hoping this would work. He sat in his chair and began twirling.

 

“Yes peter?” her kind voice responded. 

 

“I-I was wondering if, well you know how you showed me that video of Mr.Stark?” he wrung his hands together now.

 

“Yes, I do recall that”

 

“Well,” he gulped, “I was wondering what else I had access to”

 

“You have access to all the data Boss had, it's part of the protocol” she steadily replied. Peter shook his head.

 

“Protocol? What protocol?” he hadn't heard of this before.

 

“Boss thought ahead in case of his absence .So he initiated N.A.P” Mr.Stark and his acronyms.

 

“What does this one stand for F.R.I?” he huffed a laugh out.

 

“Never. Alone. Parker” it was a punch in the gut. It was a foul taste in his mouth making it's way out and circling him in green smoke.

 

“So” he takes a deep breath getting back on track, “that means I can access everything he had on the infinity stones,” he says in one go. 

 

“Yes Peter, but I should advise you that Ms.Potts can also view the files you ask me for” well fuck, he was on safe search.

 

“Yeah we're going to have to arrange that” so that’s what the first half of his day consisted of, rewiring the coding system in F.R.I.D.A.Y, and ensuring he could override any other protocol. As far as Pepper was concerned, Peter was only using F.R.I.D.A.Y for help on his homework.

~~~

After he figured out how to get past the safety configurations he asked F.R.I.D.A.Y for the footage of Tony days before the battle. It was endless hours of him in the lab making suits and upgrades, and more than once he kept bringing up Peters suit only to place it next to his.

 

Eventually it led him to what he had been searching for. Footage of Tony editing the mobius strip.

 

“FRI, pause-” he leaned forward staring intently at the video, “right there, I need the data used on the mobius strip and everything else after this time marker” 

 

“I am pulling it up now”

 

He analyzed the graphics and began stripping it down to the very core. He studied the reports Tony had on file for it, studied Hank Pym’s data as well. It all made his brain ache. 

 

How could you enter the quantum realm at any given point and have a guaranteed access in another point in time yet still make sure you weren't torn apart in the process, and keeping your own timeline safe?

 

Unless he figured out how to exactly replicate the time gps that the others wore on their hands, then all of this would be for nothing. He wanted to ask Bruce, wanted to tell him to guide him in this because he was getting desperate with every passing day. He was getting impatient.

 

“Fast Forward FRI” Peter dully mumbled. He’d been studying this same video clip for hours, but he wanted to be sure the welding in the skeleton of the watch was correct. 

 

“Can you bring up the schematics of the time stone? Do we have anything on that?” Peter rubbed his forehead tiredly, he wasn’t even sure what he was saying at this point. Despite the dozens of empty coffee cups surrounding him, he was still tired. 

 

“Unfortunately Boss didn’t have enough data on the time stone, only what Dr. Strange had discussed with him. Even then Peter, the time stone wasn’t used in the creation of the gps. Pym particles however, are where you should be looking” F.R.I.D.A.Y provided helpfully.

 

“Does Tony have any laying around” Peter laughed with no real humor, he would be damned if there were any at his disposal.

 

“No, but I have knowledge of where you can find them” Peter looked up hopefully.

 

“Yes go ahead” he sputtered out.

 

“Dr. Bruce Banner’s lab” She provided cheerfully. 

 

“Oh, is there anywhere else, can’t I try replicating it instead?” Peter went back to spinning in his chair.

 

“You could try Hank Pym’s Lab, or Scott Lang-”

 

“The whole point is not to get caught, and if I go running around for these particles, people will definitely begin to question me.” 

 

“Then, without the particles Peter, you only have the watch.” F.R.I.D.A.Y replied solemnly.

 

“Yeah, I know” he did know, even if the idiotic childish part of his brain said he could do it on his own, he knew he wouldn’t be able to without some help. Attempting to use the confidential data Hank Pym had spent his life on was no easy task. 

 

So his next step was the only plausible solution. He would hack the Pym household. He knew that’s where they operated.

 

“Can you try and find any security hole in their software?” He asked as he tracked their IP address. He felt like he was a 12 year old again, helping Ned take off parental mode on his phone.

 

“One security hole found” F.R.I.D.A.Y responded. 

 

“Yay!” Peter scooted forward analyzing the coding strip he was given. He expanded it, and zoomed into the tiny blinking dot. “How strong is their signature can you tell?” he folded his arms, if the signature was too strong it would immediately detect his interference. 

 

“It seems to be fairly strong, but it hasn’t noticed the hole” F.R.I.D.A.Y sounded unsure.

 

Peter started adding dummy codes into the database “ can we have a stimulation if we were to add a worm- right there” he pinched the edges around the dot, but not fully in it. Just as F.R.I.D.A.Y was about to answer, the voice of a very concerned May Parker came through.

 

“Peter Benjamin Parker, I have been waiting for you to come out of that room for the past three days!” Peter stilled. “If you don’t come out right this second Peter, I will go get you myself”.

 

Peter sprinted outside and into the living room in record time, no one could go into the lab. He was met with the anxious faces of Pepper and May.

 

“Hey aunt May, hey Pepper” He gave a wobbly smile, his heart was beating too fast to conjure anything better, his nerves we're playing a race with the beat of his pumping blood.

 

“Are you crazy? Are you trying to drive yourself mad? I need you to talk to me Peter, because I am trying to understand. I-I mean you lock yourself up in there for three days, _three days_. I don’t know anything about you only what F.R.I.D.A.Y tells me, that you’re working on physics homework? I mean you just-” May sighs and runs a hand through her disheveled hair, “This isn’t like you” she finally whispers.

 

He wanted to say, _I haven’t been me the second I stepped out of that portal--the second Tony’s heart stopped...that Peter died in battle too._

 

“I-I just,” what was he supposed to say? That he was attempting to build his own time machine? That he was figuring out how to bring Tony back? Of course he wouldn’t, so instead he uses the only other excuse that proves to be real enough for everyone in that room. Even for himself, “I just feel closer to him in there, it's almost like he never really left” his voice cracks on the last word.

 

There is a lot of truth in his statement, even if he is mainly doing this to cover up. The coffee cup Tony had left in the corner station is still there, still molding and crusting over, and smelling terrible with every passing day. His old specs are still glowing next to his project. His chair still smells like him.

 

“Oh honey” May pulls him in and Pepper joins too. 

 

“You have to talk to us Pete, or you'll forget what's worth holding onto. It's easy to forget who you are when you’re down there” Pepper murmured into his hair.

 

Exactly, he wanted to forget for a second about who he was. In there he could fantasize about making it up to Tony. In there he could pretend he was a worthy avenger. 

 

“Peter, I want you to clean up and meet us for dinner, ok? You’re taking a day off and spending quality family time. Got it?” May gently held his chin so their eyes met.

 

“Ok May” he leaned forward giving May a peck on the cheek and Pepper one as well.

“I just have to get my phone from the lab--but ill be super quick!” they gave him a warning glare, but said nothing otherwise.

 

When he walked into the lab he asked F.R.I.D.A.Y as soon as the door shut, “Ok so did we find a good access point?”

 

“Peter the small window of time offered by a security hole was patched in the time you were gone. We have nothing to go in through now” Her voice was apologetic. Peter wanted to scream, or cry. Or both. He slumped forward and braced his hands on the table instead. Ok he could work through this he just needed to think the way Spiderman did, analytical and calculated.

 

“This is such a bad idea” he groaned. It was also his last shot. “F.R.I.D.A.Y, call Ned Leeds”

 

“Calling Ned Leeds” 

 

“ _Hello?”_ His best friends voice was a warm embrace he didn’t know was missing until now. 

 

“Hey, I-It's Peter” 

 

 _“Dude oh my god, where have you been?! You haven’t called and like I was so worried since you left school and May said you weren’t feeling good, which I totally get by the way because I mean getting dusted sucks and like I don’t want you to feel pressured into-”_ as much as he enjoyed hearing his friends voice there were more important matters at hand. 

 

“Hey hey Ned, don’t get me wrong, I would love to catch up, but right now I need my man in the chair” his heart began racing again, if Ned decided he didn’t want to help with this crazy plan, he would have to go at it alone. Something he didn’t really feel ready to do. But he would if it was necessary.

 

“ _Oh ok yeah yeah, what is it!”_ Neds voice immediately lowered and took on a more serious note. 

 

Peter started overthinking it, but he remembered everything Ned had gone through with him. _Fuck it_. 

 

“I need you to help me steal some Pym particles from Dr. Banners lab” He shut his eyes tightly as he spit out his plan.

 

The line was silent. 

 

“ _When?”_

 

Shit, this was really happening, “Come tomorrow to the lake house, Happy will pick you up”. He hung up after Ned confirmed.

 

He was really doing this, his best friend was helping him steal something from the Avengers and no one knew anything, not yet at least.

 

“Fuck!” Peter shouted to no one, he was guiltily excited.

 

 For the first time, that night. He slept dreaming of something other than being dusted. He dreamt of seeing Tony alive and well.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, this kind of wrote itself because I lost my idea with this for a bit, but I’m building it up again. I’m not updating as frequently because of school and stuff but anyway I am so excited to be including Ned into this. I love seeing your comments and kudos by the way so thank you all! Also when I uploaded this a lot of the text was shifted and I got lazy to edit so some grammatical errors are in there sorry :(


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